Cunning Stunts
by Tear-U-Apart
Summary: This is a lost (clearly not anymore) piece from my Rizzles AU "Living Like Hell". It's a simple little scene of Jane and Jo doing some "research," draw your own water and conclusions. Or you can just throw caution to the wind and read it if you're in dire need of a laugh.


Disclaimer: The saints preserve us in pickle juice! I don't own R & I muthatruckas.

A/N: I found this-a little alternate/deleted scene from "Living Like Hell", the story I finished many months ago! Better late than never, although some of you might say I should have just continued to let this rot in my hardrive. Let's see what else...the Jane POV is in charge here peeps, and this snippet took place before J & M ever got "up close & personal."

A/N 2: I listened to "Fell For You" by Green Day while editing this, I have no recollection of what I listened to when it was written.

* * *

**"Cunning Stunts"**

* * *

_God, why couldn't I have been more adventurous in my youth? _ I let that question roll around like Jo after a flea bath in my mind for a bit. _Oh wait, I remember why now, I wasn't into women then. _Sighing loudly, I open my browser to Google. _I can't believe I'm doing this, here I am in my thirties._ I roll my eyes at myself for a change. _Afterwards I'm going to clear the memory on my laptop, by any means necessary, aside from maybe nuking it in my microwave for a bit._ I type in more forcefully than needed: How to perform cunnilingus and I don't hit the "I feel lucky" button. _Oh loosen up Rizzoli, it's not like you're doing something nefarious. _I exhale loudly, closing my eyes and rubbing my temples. _Shit on the floor, nefarious...really? Damn it, Maura! _I open my eyes and shake myself physically.

I look down at my trusty companion-Jo Friday who is looking up at me strangely; I glare at her, "What, don't give me that look." She tilts her head at me more, "Okay, when you get a girlfriend and realize you don't have the slightest idea what the flying fuck you're gonna do when you two decide to get frisky..." I stop myself, "Great I'm talking to you like you're a person now, not a good sign." _Not that this is a subject I would willingly discuss with my mother. _I shudder at that mental picture, as I run my hands through my hair roughly, before I turn back to my laptops screen, "Fuck-a-doodle-doo how many how to's are there on this subject?" I exclaim loudly, to no one in particular. _But it's good to know I'm not the only clueless soul out there though._ I think to myself as I scroll through the many links.

I glance back down at Jo, "This one looks informative and it has no pictures, thank the little baby Jesus!" I say sarcastically, but I honestly mean it. _I'm not interested in looking at some strange woman's lady parts, I have my own. And I'm just interested in learning the basics on how to satisfy Maura's. _I click the link, and scroll down past advertisements for brain games and penis enlargements. _Now there's an oxymoron if I ever saw one._ The thought makes me chuckle out loud. Jo barks at me, "Hush, this is proving to be actually fun research and I haven't even gotten to the how-to part yet." I bark back at her, smiling. Leaning back into my sofa, I pull my laptop closer as I begin to inspect the text. _You've got to be shitting me!_

I smirk as I begin to read aloud, "To be skilled at, skipping that word, you have to be an excellent reader of her body, breathing, and what she might tell you with words." _Well gee whiz? I would have never guessed that much!_ I laugh again, and using the laptop's touch pad I tap out the old shave and a haircut melody, skipping past some of the beyond remedial bullshit. Jo Friday sneezes at me, "Bless you, even though all dogs go to heaven." I say laughing. Jo whines at me, "Yeah, I know that was a real extra cheese joke." I reply, before returning my attention back to my research. Jo gives me a small "woof" retort.

_Hello!..._Reading somewhat aloud to myself, "As you get more comfortable with your partner, you may find that your partners taste and smell will trigger more arousal in you than anything else." I feel the blush creep up my neck, and firmly settle in my cheeks. _That's true. Because all I have to do is imagine kissing Maura, remembering the way her tongue tastes and...Yep, I'm a bit wet as of right now!_ I chuckle at my situation, and squirm on my sofa a little. Meanwhile, I notice Jo is stretched out like road kill and sound asleep, judging by the light snore coming out of her. "Lightweight." I mumble in her general direction.

I continue my browsing even though it's getting late. Still not seeing any actual how-to-do-it-properly explanations, I sigh with obvious frustration and tap on the mouse pad at a more aggressive rate. _Whoa, what was that? _I think to myself while channeling Keanu Reeves for the proper voice. I scroll back slowly, "Imagine licking an ice cream cone." The visual is just too much, I shut my laptop quickly and start to put it away. _Oh wait! I gotta clear the history, cache, and Girl Scout cookies. _I re-open my laptop and go about clearing it, as my thoughts begin to travel into other realms. _Wonder what Maura's cookie will taste like? Gah, my mind is so dirty right now! _I snap my laptop closed once more and leave it on the coffee table.

Standing up off the sofa, I stretch out my back until it pops._ Sounds bad, but feels good._ I reach down and pick up Jo, she barely stirs in my grasp. Moving around my sofa, I flick off the lights and walk down the hallway to my bedroom. Jo kicks a little in my arms; she's dreaming. I smile, "You're some guard dog. A very bad man could come in with a marching band in tow and you would sleep through the whole ordeal." I whisper to her, while gently ruffling her shaggy hair. "Good thing yours truly is a badass, and nobody in the right frame of mind fucks with me, well except for my family and well that's a given." I continue as I pull down my covers, and deposit Jo on the empty side of the bed.

I lie down on the bed face first and just marinate there for awhile, eventually I pull my covers up over me, just as Jo grunts and flops over on her other side. "You're worse than sleeping with a dying fish." I mumble as I turn on my side, facing away from her. I punch my pillow lightly, before snuggling down into the dent. I close my eyes, and then I hear Jo grunt and flop again, effectively pressing herself up against my back. _God, help you if I roll over in my sleep. _I chuckle at the thought, as my eyelids suddenly start to feel like lead weights are attached to them.

_"Jane, what are you doing?" Maura asks, as she places her hands on her hips._

_ I shrug, "What does it look like, I'm licking an ice cream cone." I answer, as I drag my tongue up through the strawberry goodness._

_ I hear Maura giggle, "Well to me it looks like you're practicing."_

_ I stop and frown slightly, "Practicing for what exactly, your honorable medicine woman?" I retort while smirking, as I feel some melted ice cream running down my chin._

_ Maura smiles seductively, "For when you will be putting your mouth on me, or more specifically your tongue in my wet..."_

I jerk awake, and look over at the bedside clock or as I like to call it-my arch nemesis: 2:43 a.m. I groan loudly as I roll over in my bed, turning away from the evil glowing red numbers. _Oops, Jo! _I sit up suddenly and feel around in the dark for her, but I'm fairly confident I didn't squish her. _Because__,__ I don't feel a furry lump under my ass._ Then as if sensing my distress I hear her grunt, somewhere in the neighborhood of the foot of the bed. I acknowledge her grunt with one of my own as I lie back down. _Damn that dream, or more specifically the last part. _I rub my hands over my face, _no more les-b-honest research before bed._ I pull the covers up to my chin, and punch my pillow again.

_Wonder if Maura would ever say the P-word? Oh hell, who am I kidding, I can't even say the P-word in my mind. _I groan and bury my head in my roughed up pillow.

-END-

* * *

**This would have originally been in Part Seven of "LLH", how I honestly don't remember now. But I do know it got axed for the Master Jane "alone time" sequence. LOL! However, I have to admit I find Research Jane/Sleepy Jane pretty funny, and the Jo Friday cameo is cool. Sorry I cut it (sort of), but for those of you out there who care...well you have it now :)**


End file.
